dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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