My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i think i just lost a toe
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
