I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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