apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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