Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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