i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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