What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
