My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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