And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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