I wanna bring you to show and tell
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
