Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
