Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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