OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
