I have demons in me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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