What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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