apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
