she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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