Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
