Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize