What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
