your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My pussy is not your playground.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
