I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
