In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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