I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
