Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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