we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
