saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize