Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
