Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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