theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
