She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
