I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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