I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
