did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
