why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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