If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
