don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
