Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize