There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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