I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
