How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
