why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
