Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This house was built for laser tag.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
