Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
