Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
