Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
