i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize