checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
