I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
