Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
