You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
