I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
