i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
