we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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