Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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