I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
