The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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