he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
