So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
