you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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