I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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