No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
