I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
