right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She bit a glass in half.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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