You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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