went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
