I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
