This show inspires me to have sex in space
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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