I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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