I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
