I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
