Please, let me fuck your mom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize