she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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