Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
