Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
