I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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