i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
