I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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