Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
