Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
