had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
