I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently I’m into choking now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
