i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
