Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
