just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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