I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
