I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
