life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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