Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
