Your mouth is God's brothel.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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