I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's rum buckets o'clock
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
