im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
