there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
