I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
just found out that she named her cat after me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
