every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
