White coat. Heels.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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