Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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