The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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