Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Girls should come with a carfax report
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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