Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
