hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
