i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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