there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
